게시글의 제목, 번호, 조회수, 작성자, 등록일, 내용, 첨부파일 등을 나타내는 표
What Family Really Means
이름	최현정	등록일	15.10.25	조회수	722
What Family Really Means OCT. 24, 2015 MY friend Elli has never given birth, never adopted, never taken primary responsibility for an infant, a toddler or an adolescent. <body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li><li class="story-menu-item ad hidden" id="MiddleRightPaidPost2" style="display: none;"><div id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_5__container__" style="border: 0pt currentColor; border-image: none;"><iframe name="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_5" width="300" height="77" id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_5" src="javascript:"<html><body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li><li class="story-menu-item ad hidden" id="MiddleRightPaidPost3" style="display: none;"><div id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_6__container__" style="border: 0pt currentColor; border-image: none;"><iframe name="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_6" width="300" height="77" id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_6" src="javascript:"<html><body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li><li class="story-menu-item ad hidden" id="MiddleRightPaidPost4" style="display: none;"><div id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_7__container__" style="border: 0pt currentColor; border-image: none;"><iframe name="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_7" width="300" height="77" id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_7" src="javascript:"<html><body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li></ul></aside><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-2" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="72" data-total-count="202">But on the far side of 65, she finds herself playing the role of mother.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="243" data-total-count="445">At the beginning of each school year, she’s likely to be helping one of her college-age boys move into his freshman dorm. At the end, she’s at a commencement, beaming as another of her boys finishes his four years and receives his diploma.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="162" data-total-count="607">The boys are from Zimbabwe, where Elli has spent extensive time over the last decade and where she met many poor, bright teenagers determined to study in America.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="136" data-total-count="743">She not only guided them through the application and financial aid process, but also remained one of the central figures in their lives.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="288" data-total-count="1031">And they became essential to her. They’re always calling and emailing. She’s always calling and emailing back. They consult her about the summer internships in their sights; they confide in her about new romances. And on holidays, they converge at her house to be fed and fussed over.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="74" data-total-count="1105">By any definition of the word that matters, she and her kids are a family.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="191" data-total-count="1296">And they kept coming to mind as I read about a gathering of more than 250 Roman Catholic leaders in Rome over the last three weeks for what’s been called the Synod of Bishops on the Family.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="279" data-total-count="1575">The bishops have been examining such issues as whether the church should relax its censure of divorce and remarriage, whether it should be more welcoming to unmarried couples, whether it should open its arms to the children of same-sex parents. A report is expected this weekend.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="263" data-total-count="1838"> In the times on Wednesday, my colleagues Laurie Goodstein and Elisabetta Povoledo described the synod as “the most momentous, and contentious, meeting of bishops in the 50 years since the Second Vatican Council, which brought the church into the modern era.”</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="109" data-total-count="1947">The church has made minimal progress since. If it’s still stuck on divorce, it’s still stuck in the past.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="324" data-total-count="2271">And if its discussion of virtue and rectitude is rooted in the architecture of a family and the labels its members wear — married, unmarried, straight, gay — it’s focused on the wrong things and missing the boat. It’s seeing family in terms that are much too narrow and having a conversation that’s much too small.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="41" data-total-count="2312">Are most Catholics even paying attention?</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="107" data-total-count="2419">We in the media are drawn to these doctrinal wars and the hushed, cloaked deliberations inside the Vatican.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="143" data-total-count="2562">People in the pews are less rapt. The warmth and respect they feel for the current pope doesn’t translate into any obeisance to church edict.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-3" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="248" data-total-count="2810">According to a survey by the Pew Research Center earlier this year, only one in three American Catholics believes that it’s sinful to live with a romantic partner outside of marriage. Only one in five believes that it’s sinful to get a divorce.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="127" data-total-count="2937">While 44 percent of the respondents in that poll frowned on sexual relations between two men or two women, 39 percent didn’t.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="351" data-total-count="3288">And while respondents clearly viewed a family headed by a father and a mother who are married to each other as the ideal, most of them did <em>not </em>view it as the only acceptable situation. More than 80 percent were O.K. with divorced parents, single parents or unmarried parents living together. More than 65 percent were O.K. with gay or lesbian parents.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-4" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="193" data-total-count="3481">That openness to a variety of arrangements is sometimes described — by religious leaders, by social conservatives — as a drift away from morality, a sad surrender to an anything-goes ethos.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="60" data-total-count="3541">But the truth is more complicated and less somber than that.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="318" data-total-count="3859">The prevalence of divorce, unmarried cohabitation and single parenting in part reflects laudable advances in the way we regard women. Most of us no longer encourage them to be economically dependent on men; most of us no longer expect them to suffer in subservience when husbands are emotionally or physically abusive.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="81" data-total-count="3940">That’s a change we should build on. It’s not turpitude. It’s enlightenment.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="195" data-total-count="4135">Most of us understand, in a way we once didn’t, that there are men who will never know full romantic and sexual love with a woman, and there are women who will never experience that with a man.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="232" data-total-count="4367">Was society better off when we denied that and trapped gay and lesbian people in heterosexual marriages that brought joy to neither spouse and were constructed on a lie? Did society benefit from marginalizing gay and lesbian people?</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-5" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="59" data-total-count="4426">Those are rhetorical questions. Or at least they should be.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-6" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="346" data-total-count="4772">My own parents remained married until my mother’s death at 61, and my three siblings and I are active, integral, cherished parts of one another’s lives. Whenever I write about that, a few readers and a few friends will invariably compliment me on our closeness, rightly recognizing that it requires time, generosity, flexibility, forgiveness.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="294" data-total-count="5066">But I’m more impressed by families who are bound by choice rather than blood. For all that I’ve learned about family around my own Thanksgiving table, I’ve learned as much by watching people without dependable parents, caring siblings or nurturing spouses forge clans of a different kind.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="368" data-total-count="5434">I saw this happen time and again in the 1980s and early 1990s, when AIDS ravaged gay America and many sufferers found themselves abandoned by relatives, whose religions prodded them toward judgment instead of compassion. Friends filled that gap, rushing in as saviors, stepping up as providers, signing on as protectors. Where families were absent, families were born.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="241" data-total-count="5675">AND I see this throughout the unpredictable, untidy world beyond the confines of the synod and the concerns of Catholic bishops, who often seem more interested in dictating the parameters of sex than in celebrating the boundlessness of love.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="169" data-total-count="5844">Only sometimes is a family a mom and a dad under the same roof as biological children produced without the assistance of in vitro fertilization (another Catholic no-no).</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="143" data-total-count="5987">Always a family is a troop that marches across the messy, majestic landscape of life with greater strength than any lone individual can muster.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="47" data-total-count="6034">Only sometimes does a family share chromosomes.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="29" data-total-count="6063">Always it shares commitments.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="177" data-total-count="6240">Elli has made and maintained one to her boys, whose aspirations and accomplishments she routinely relays to me, in a voice brimming with a very familiar, poignant kind of pride.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="66" data-total-count="6306">I asked her once how strangers react to her involvement with them.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-7" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="53" data-total-count="6359">“They like to see me as Mother Teresa,” she said.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="53" data-total-count="6412">And she laughed, because she’s no nun and no saint.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="33" data-total-count="6445" data-node-uid="1">But to my mind, she’s a mother.</p></div> </td> </tr> </tbody> </table> <table class="usm-brd-vew-pn"> <caption>이전글 다음글을 나타내는 표</caption> <tbody> <tr> <th class="tch-vew-prev">이전글</th> <td> <span><a href="/_moim/board/view/kijun/1604/4685/16044.do?s_idx=57">France's Wrinkle in Time</a></span> </td> </tr> <tr> <th class="tch-vew-next">다음글</th> <td> <span><a href="/_moim/board/view/kijun/1604/4685/16042.do?s_idx=57">The story of Korean fiction: Proud tradition, humble present</a></span> </td> </tr> </tbody> </table> <iframe id="commentFrame" class="no-scroll-iframe" src="/_moim/comment/list/kijun/1604/4685/16043.do" height="250" title="댓글 프레임"> 목록 Copyright ⓒ 전주기전여자고등학교 Kijun Times. All Rights Reserved.

게시글의 제목, 번호, 조회수, 작성자, 등록일, 내용, 첨부파일 등을 나타내는 표

What Family Really Means

이름

최현정

등록일

15.10.25

조회수

722

What Family Really Means

OCT. 24, 2015

MY friend Elli has never given birth, never adopted, never taken primary responsibility for an infant, a toddler or an adolescent.

<body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li><li class="story-menu-item ad hidden" id="MiddleRightPaidPost2" style="display: none;"><div id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_5__container__" style="border: 0pt currentColor; border-image: none;"><iframe name="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_5" width="300" height="77" id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_5" src="javascript:"<html><body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li><li class="story-menu-item ad hidden" id="MiddleRightPaidPost3" style="display: none;"><div id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_6__container__" style="border: 0pt currentColor; border-image: none;"><iframe name="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_6" width="300" height="77" id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_6" src="javascript:"<html><body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li><li class="story-menu-item ad hidden" id="MiddleRightPaidPost4" style="display: none;"><div id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_7__container__" style="border: 0pt currentColor; border-image: none;"><iframe name="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_7" width="300" height="77" id="google_ads_iframe_/29390238/NYT/opinion/sunday_7" src="javascript:"<html><body style='background:transparent'></body></html>"" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" style="border: 0px currentColor; border-image: none; vertical-align: bottom;"></x_iframe></div></li></ul></aside><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-2" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="72" data-total-count="202">But on the far side of 65, she finds herself playing the role of mother.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="243" data-total-count="445">At the beginning of each school year, she’s likely to be helping one of her college-age boys move into his freshman dorm. At the end, she’s at a commencement, beaming as another of her boys finishes his four years and receives his diploma.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="162" data-total-count="607">The boys are from Zimbabwe, where Elli has spent extensive time over the last decade and where she met many poor, bright teenagers determined to study in America.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="136" data-total-count="743">She not only guided them through the application and financial aid process, but also remained one of the central figures in their lives.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="288" data-total-count="1031">And they became essential to her. They’re always calling and emailing. She’s always calling and emailing back. They consult her about the summer internships in their sights; they confide in her about new romances. And on holidays, they converge at her house to be fed and fussed over.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="74" data-total-count="1105">By any definition of the word that matters, she and her kids are a family.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="191" data-total-count="1296">And they kept coming to mind as I read about a gathering of more than 250 Roman Catholic leaders in Rome over the last three weeks for what’s been called the Synod of Bishops on the Family.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="279" data-total-count="1575">The bishops have been examining such issues as whether the church should relax its censure of divorce and remarriage, whether it should be more welcoming to unmarried couples, whether it should open its arms to the children of same-sex parents. A report is expected this weekend.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="263" data-total-count="1838"> In the times on Wednesday, my colleagues Laurie Goodstein and Elisabetta Povoledo described the synod as “the most momentous, and contentious, meeting of bishops in the 50 years since the Second Vatican Council, which brought the church into the modern era.”</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="109" data-total-count="1947">The church has made minimal progress since. If it’s still stuck on divorce, it’s still stuck in the past.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="324" data-total-count="2271">And if its discussion of virtue and rectitude is rooted in the architecture of a family and the labels its members wear — married, unmarried, straight, gay — it’s focused on the wrong things and missing the boat. It’s seeing family in terms that are much too narrow and having a conversation that’s much too small.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="41" data-total-count="2312">Are most Catholics even paying attention?</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="107" data-total-count="2419">We in the media are drawn to these doctrinal wars and the hushed, cloaked deliberations inside the Vatican.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="143" data-total-count="2562">People in the pews are less rapt. The warmth and respect they feel for the current pope doesn’t translate into any obeisance to church edict.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-3" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="248" data-total-count="2810">According to a survey by the Pew Research Center earlier this year, only one in three American Catholics believes that it’s sinful to live with a romantic partner outside of marriage. Only one in five believes that it’s sinful to get a divorce.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="127" data-total-count="2937">While 44 percent of the respondents in that poll frowned on sexual relations between two men or two women, 39 percent didn’t.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="351" data-total-count="3288">And while respondents clearly viewed a family headed by a father and a mother who are married to each other as the ideal, most of them did <em>not </em>view it as the only acceptable situation. More than 80 percent were O.K. with divorced parents, single parents or unmarried parents living together. More than 65 percent were O.K. with gay or lesbian parents.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-4" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="193" data-total-count="3481">That openness to a variety of arrangements is sometimes described — by religious leaders, by social conservatives — as a drift away from morality, a sad surrender to an anything-goes ethos.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="60" data-total-count="3541">But the truth is more complicated and less somber than that.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="318" data-total-count="3859">The prevalence of divorce, unmarried cohabitation and single parenting in part reflects laudable advances in the way we regard women. Most of us no longer encourage them to be economically dependent on men; most of us no longer expect them to suffer in subservience when husbands are emotionally or physically abusive.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="81" data-total-count="3940">That’s a change we should build on. It’s not turpitude. It’s enlightenment.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="195" data-total-count="4135">Most of us understand, in a way we once didn’t, that there are men who will never know full romantic and sexual love with a woman, and there are women who will never experience that with a man.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="232" data-total-count="4367">Was society better off when we denied that and trapped gay and lesbian people in heterosexual marriages that brought joy to neither spouse and were constructed on a lie? Did society benefit from marginalizing gay and lesbian people?</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-5" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="59" data-total-count="4426">Those are rhetorical questions. Or at least they should be.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-6" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="346" data-total-count="4772">My own parents remained married until my mother’s death at 61, and my three siblings and I are active, integral, cherished parts of one another’s lives. Whenever I write about that, a few readers and a few friends will invariably compliment me on our closeness, rightly recognizing that it requires time, generosity, flexibility, forgiveness.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="294" data-total-count="5066">But I’m more impressed by families who are bound by choice rather than blood. For all that I’ve learned about family around my own Thanksgiving table, I’ve learned as much by watching people without dependable parents, caring siblings or nurturing spouses forge clans of a different kind.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="368" data-total-count="5434">I saw this happen time and again in the 1980s and early 1990s, when AIDS ravaged gay America and many sufferers found themselves abandoned by relatives, whose religions prodded them toward judgment instead of compassion. Friends filled that gap, rushing in as saviors, stepping up as providers, signing on as protectors. Where families were absent, families were born.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="241" data-total-count="5675">AND I see this throughout the unpredictable, untidy world beyond the confines of the synod and the concerns of Catholic bishops, who often seem more interested in dictating the parameters of sex than in celebrating the boundlessness of love.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="169" data-total-count="5844">Only sometimes is a family a mom and a dad under the same roof as biological children produced without the assistance of in vitro fertilization (another Catholic no-no).</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="143" data-total-count="5987">Always a family is a troop that marches across the messy, majestic landscape of life with greater strength than any lone individual can muster.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="47" data-total-count="6034">Only sometimes does a family share chromosomes.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="29" data-total-count="6063">Always it shares commitments.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="177" data-total-count="6240">Elli has made and maintained one to her boys, whose aspirations and accomplishments she routinely relays to me, in a voice brimming with a very familiar, poignant kind of pride.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="66" data-total-count="6306">I asked her once how strangers react to her involvement with them.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" id="story-continues-7" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="53" data-total-count="6359">“They like to see me as Mother Teresa,” she said.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="53" data-total-count="6412">And she laughed, because she’s no nun and no saint.</p><p class="story-body-text story-content" itemprop="articleBody" data-para-count="33" data-total-count="6445" data-node-uid="1">But to my mind, she’s a mother.</p></div> </td> </tr> </tbody> </table> <table class="usm-brd-vew-pn"> <caption>이전글 다음글을 나타내는 표</caption> <tbody> <tr> <th class="tch-vew-prev">이전글</th> <td> <span><a href="/_moim/board/view/kijun/1604/4685/16044.do?s_idx=57">France's Wrinkle in Time</a></span> </td> </tr> <tr> <th class="tch-vew-next">다음글</th> <td> <span><a href="/_moim/board/view/kijun/1604/4685/16042.do?s_idx=57">The story of Korean fiction: Proud tradition, humble present</a></span> </td> </tr> </tbody> </table> <iframe id="commentFrame" class="no-scroll-iframe" src="/_moim/comment/list/kijun/1604/4685/16043.do" height="250" title="댓글 프레임">

목록